The Tug-Of-War

In this post I want to speak to something quietly running in the background for so many of us: 

The inner conflict. 

This has been going for me recently. I knew what needed to be done, but I didn’t like, or want to do it. I believed it would be too hard. Sound familiar? 

It became exhausting, this tug-of-war between how I was acting and what I knew I needed to do. 

Yesterday I’d had enough, and I did the things I was putting off. Once I started, I felt better, once I finished I felt great. I wondered, how many times have I done this in my life? Waited to feel ready, waited for a ‘sign’, waited until the waiting had me so stressed that I was forced into re-action? 

Will I ever learn that taking action as soon as the voice pipes up "just do it!,"  is the antidote to my misery? 

So many of us get stuck in this place of inner conflict. Doing what we know is not productive or good for us, trying to ignore the part that keeps calling for our attention to do things differently. 

It’s especially common for grey area drinkers (myself included). 

We might believe in living a healthy, intentional life…
In showing up fully for your family or your work…
In waking up proud, clear, and aligned with who we truly are… 

But then night falls. Stress builds. And again, you pour the glass, or two—despite the part of you whispering, "This isn’t right. Why am I doing it again?."

It’s important to understand this is not a weakness. It’s not a lack of discipline.
It’s simply the brain doing its job—choosing what’s easy, familiar, and energy-saving. The neural path of least resistance. And we survive. 

But as time goes on survival isn’t enough anymore, is it? 

We want, no we have to, grow.
We're designed to evolve, create, connect, and feel. And that desire—your desire—is not coming from your old brain patterns. It’s coming from something deeper, our innate human need to optimise.

Why Inner Conflict Hurts So Much 

The tension we feel—between our behaviour and our deeper knowing—isn’t just tiring.

 

It affects our focus, confidence, self-trust, and our belief in our ability to do hard things.

 

We get caught between the brain's default settings (auto-pilot) and the inner call to take the wheel. 

This is the human dilemma. And also the human opportunity. 

The good news? 

That tension only exists because you care.
Because you know you're meant for more. 

Because deep down you want freedom, not regret. 

When Beliefs Clash With Values 

Often, we’re not living from our deeper values. We’re living from our beliefs.  And the beliefs that hold us back are often out of date, inherited ideas that we’ve absorbed from culture, family, or fear. 

Beliefs like: 

• I can’t do it 
• I need/deserve a drink 
• This is just how I am 
• If I stop, everything will fall apart. 

But here’s the truth: beliefs are not truths. 

They’re just the software that hasn't been upgraded, running in the background. 

Our values—courage, honesty, connection, growth—are what we really want to guide us. And when your actions begin to align with your values, life starts to feel… lighter. Truer. Calmer. Even during challenges. 

You Are Not Your Thoughts 

You don’t have to untangle every belief before you move forward. You simply have to notice you have them, and get curious, maybe they’re not true? 

Practice 

“Ah, there’s that old belief again that tells me; 

 “I’ll do it when I’m ready” 

“I don’t need to change” 

“I’m ok as I am” 

That moment of noticing? That’s your power returning. 

Why Bother? 

It’s about ending the war inside. 

It’s about choosing your beliefs, not submitting to old programs.
It’s about choosing action over ambivalence. 

You don’t need a perfect plan. 

You just need a willingness to stop negotiating with the part of you that already knows what needs to shift. It’s not going to get quieter. The more you try and ignore it, the louder it will get. The more you resist it, the more evidence it will provide. 

If you wait too long for a sign, then that sign is likely not one you want to receive. 

When your actions begin to match your values, everything changes: 

• More energy 
• More clarity 
• More contentment 
• More peace 
• More you 

And perhaps most powerfully—a quiet confidence begins to grow.
The kind that comes from keeping your promises to yourself.

One promise can be the catalyst for what we are all seeking, a sense of progress, evolution and positive change. 

Final Thought 

So tonight, take a deep breath.
You don’t need to fix yourself.
You just need to return to yourself. 

One day, one thought, one belief at a time. 

With love, 

Sarah Connelly