What Is Rock-Bottom

 What Is Rock Bottom? 

I didn’t have a stereotypical rock-bottom moment. But there were numerous times when I woke up not clear on what I said or did the night before. There were times when I would wake in the early hours racked with anxiety, nausea and shame. There were days where I felt wretched, hopeless and fearful. I knew alcohol was slowly draining me, dragging me down, killing my spirit and motivation.

My husband was concerned about my drinking. He mentioned on a number of occasions that “I didn’t need that extra glass,” so I would sneak it behind his back, and at one point was lurking in the laundry with my vodka.

I used to try and ignore him, or I’d get defensive, but my inner dialogue wouldn’t stay quiet. Especially at 6pm the next day, when—despite the promises I’d made myself that morning—I needed just one to drown out the noise in my head. Everything felt better after a glass of wine, and I was entirely addicted to the ritual.

As life got more complicated in my mid-40s, my drinking ritual became more frequent, so I took two months off in 2018. On February 28th, I felt incredible—I was free! I had proven to myself that I wasn’t addicted, I could stop any time I wanted to.

On March 3rd, 2018 I gave myself a reward. By March 20th I was back in my old ways.

This story may sound familiar. It’s a common experience for highly-functioning grey area drinkers. We can stop, which gives us a false sense of control. And it often takes multiple failed attempts to moderate. My rock bottom was more like a slide down a steep slope, grabbing onto branches of hopeful ‘moderation’ on my way down, until the branch snapped—and the deeper I fell.

It was compounding frustration, disappointment, and self-loathing that finally tipped the scales. It was the understanding that if I kept trying something that didn’t work, I was exactly what my inner critic told me I was—and it wasn’t pretty.

There’s this myth that you need to completely fall apart before you're allowed to take alcohol seriously—and that’s a dangerous lie. On the outside, I was together. My rock bottom was hidden from the outside world. No one would have guessed how bad I was on the inside, not even my husband.

Most of the people I work with are like me—highly-functioning in day-to-day life. They're not spiraling out—they’re spiraling in. Into self-doubt, regret, and shame, hiding behind a polished exterior.

So how do we know when it’s time to take alcohol seriously? Perhaps the following information will help.

What Is Alcohol Use Disorder?

The term now used for addiction to alcohol is Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD). And I have no issue admitting that I qualified.

Diagnostic Criteria – DSM-5-TR
AUD is defined as a problematic pattern of alcohol use leading to significant impairment or distress, shown by at least 2 of the following 11 criteria within a 12-month period:

1. Drinking more or for longer than intended

2. Persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down

3. Spending a lot of time getting, using, or recovering from alcohol

4. Craving or strong desire to drink

5. Failure to fulfill major roles (work, school, home)

6. Continued use despite social or interpersonal problems

7. Giving up important activities

8. Recurrent use in hazardous situations

9. Continued use despite physical or psychological problems

10. Tolerance (needing more for same effect)

11. Withdrawal symptoms (e.g., tremors, anxiety, sweating)

👉 Severity Levels:
• Mild: 2–3 symptoms
• Moderate: 4–5 symptoms
• Severe: 6+ symptoms
📚 Source: American Psychiatric Association. DSM-5-TR (2022)

The ones I’ve highlighted applied to me. I had severe alcohol use disorder. And no one knew—not even me.

This list can be subjective, so it does require radical self-honesty. Note: there’s no specific criterion that says you must have a DUI, hit your partner, or be skulking with vodka in a paper bag. There’s no stereotype. It can be anyone.

Let’s Be Clear: Alcohol Is Addictive by Design

Alcohol is a highly addictive toxic substance. It is carcinogenic (top of the list alongside tobacco and asbestos), and it is slowly killing you.

And if you suffer from AUD, it’s important to note that it’s not about strength or willpower. It’s about the way alcohol hijacks your brain’s reward system, disrupts your sleep, and spikes your cortisol. You are not biologically designed to drink it—but you are psychologically conditioned to before you get physically hooked.

The result? You feel exhausted, anxious, and off—every single day. But this becomes the norm. You’ve forgotten how it feels to feel any different.

There Is Another Way

Back in 2019, I wasn’t aware there was any other way to stop—other than rehab or AA. I didn’t feel drawn to either, but I’d tried alone and failed too many times. My experience in rehab led me to this work. Because I knew there were so many ‘me’s’ out there. Those who needed support and accountability—not Valium or dark basement confessions.

If you’ve had the courage to read this—and to be honest with yourself—then you may feel a bit shit. That’s a good thing. Pain creates action. But hopefully, you also feel less shameful. This is not a personal flaw. You are designed to become addicted.

My Message to You

You don’t need to wait until alcohol has taken everything to decide it’s taken enough.

Start where you are. Start now.

The waitlist for the next group coaching program is now open. This coming program is for those serious about doing the work, being supported, and getting the help they deserve to climb back up the slope. I am here to help you.

To join the list please email WAITLIST to [email protected]  -

With love,
Sarah