What That Craving Is Really Trying to Tell You

What That Craving Is Really Trying to Tell You

I still crave things, namely chocolate, new clothes or attention. But the process of quitting alcohol has taught me a great deal about them...here are my thoughts.

There’s a reason why cravings can feel so… intense. 

They tug at us with urgency, whispering promises of satisfaction just beyond this moment. The feelings, and associated thoughts are often subtle, but are strong enough to convince us that something out there—a glass of wine, a new outfit, a certain someone—holds the key to our peace. 

Subconsciously we may know this isn’t true. Why? Because we’ve caved, time and time again, with the same result.  A quick fix, followed by a ‘meh’ or a ‘S***, I’ve done it again’ aftermath. 

This cycle builds on itself, and as disappointment, guilt and shame grow, so does the discomfort inside. We press ‘buy now’, pick up another glass of wine, or say yes to someone, when we really mean no as the promise of relief draws us back in. Only to be left wanting...again. 

The justifications for staying in this loop are too many to list, but they are strong, conditioned patterns to keep us in the familiar. The discomfort of the long-term unknown appears much less appealing than the safety and comfort of a habit. 

Many of us can tolerate this cycle for years, even decades because we’re conditioned to consume. Whenever we feel discomfort, boredom, anxiety, fear, frustration, we seek relief from something outside of ourselves. This almost always happens on auto-pilot.    

Imagine the impact on consumerism if we were willing to sit with discomfort. Entire industries profit from our impulse to escape it — alcohol is just one of them. 

The cause of our actions in these moments of craving is something not often spoken about.  In the simplest terms its discomfort in the body and mind. It is a pain that we want to avoid.  At first a  physical sensation, often so subtle we don’t even notice it, telling our mind something is wrong and action must be taken. As soon as the mind gets involved we revert to the familiar pathways of reward seeking, to find relief. 

“But I drink to have fun!” I hear you cry, “It relaxes me”...so the question is can you not have fun and relax without it?  Have you ever had fun and relaxed without it? When did it become necessary? 

We learn very quickly that alcohol provides powerful relief from discomfort  so we repeat the behaviour and in time it becomes the go-to. Furthermore it increases discomfort because once we’ve had a taste of the false high it offers, that becomes our goal. Whenever we don’t have it, we feel out of sorts, something is missing.   

Prior to your drinking life were you able to have fun, relax, laugh?  Maybe you’ve forgotten. 

Most of us have never been taught how to sit with discomfort without acting on it. We run from it blindly or try to shut it down with denial or shame. Neither works. 

So what does? Getting curious about what’s underneath. 

🧭  Craving Isn’t the Problem—Our Reaction To It Is 

Craving isn’t bad. In fact, some forms of natural cravings are essential. 

Physiological cravings like food and water are necessary.  We need them to survive, so the body signals a powerful drive to us to get them. 

Alcohol cravings for grey area drinkers are not born out of need, they are primarily psychological and stem from a feeling of incompleteness.  

They creep in over time, and are driven by the belief that there is a real need at play; 

Associations and habits (e.g. “I always drink after work.”) 

Emotional regulation (e.g. to unwind, escape, feel confident) 

Reward memory (your brain remembers the exaggerated dopamine hit – this becomes the baseline) 

Cues and triggers (music, places, people, time of day – alcohol will enhance the experience) 

If you’ve ever thought or felt, I’ll be okay once I have a glass of wine you know exactly what I mean. 

Many of us live with this continuous belief that “I’ll be OK when.......”, and when the blank is filled we are OK, for a short time, until the next thing comes up, and we have another requirement for our ok-ness. Whilst we’re seeking outside, we’re ignoring the fact that it’s inside where we should be looking. 

Imagine being OK inside and not needing something outside to bolster you up. 

🧠 When Craving Takes Over the Wheel 

Maybe the loudest cravings you have are for alcohol. It isn’t just about the drink. It’s about what the drink promises: ease, confidence, connection, escape. 

But here’s what came up during a recent coaching call: 

“Now that I’m not drinking, I’m noticing all these other wants creeping in. Online shopping, overworking, chasing goals. It’s like my brain just swapped one craving for another.” 

That’s what happens. Once we remove the obvious numbing agent, the more subtle distractions show up—  cravings dressed in different clothes. But the cycle is the same: want, chase, regret, repeat. 

🔍 Cravings as a Portal 

Here’s the shift: instead of trying to kill a craving, we can learn to sit with it. We listen to it. Because craving, in its raw form, is actually a powerful teacher. 

“If we can really pay deep attention to where we are most hooked, that very place becomes a portal to transformation.” Tara Brach 

That line hit me hard when I first heard it. What if every craving—every "I need this now" moment—is actually an invitation to pause and learn something? 

What if the pull toward something external is just your body reminding you that something internal wants attention? 

✨ Presence Is the Real Prize 

Several people in the group shared how freeing it felt to be present this Easter—alcohol-free, connected, clear. No internal tug-of-war. Just… peace. 

“I didn’t have anywhere to be. Everything I needed was right there in the moment.” 

That’s the gift of learning to let go of craving. You’re not just giving up something toxic—you’re reclaiming your ability to be here, now. And in that presence? There’s contentment. There’s joy. There’s power. 

🛠 Try This 

This week, when a craving shows up (physical or mental pull) pause, take a few deep breaths and ask: 

• What am I really wanting right now? 
• Can I sit with this feeling for just 2 minutes before I act on it? 
• Will getting this actually bring me peace—or just temporary relief? 

You don’t need to get rid of the craving. Just unhook from it and watch it. 

Let it be there, let it rise like a wave. Get on it, surf it, then get off and let it pass. It will if you don’t get caught in the thinking and resisting. 

You may in time realise that what you’re really looking for isn’t out there—it’s right here. 

And the more you remember that, the less power cravings have. 

With love, 

Sarah