Breaking Free from Sticky Beliefs: How to Unhook from the Thoughts Holding You Back

Breaking Free from Sticky Beliefs: How to Unhook from the Thoughts Holding You Back

I used to believe that I couldn’t live without alcohol.  Not in the sense that I was dependent on it for survival, but it was everywhere in my world.  My partner drinks, my friends drink, my wider family network drinks.  Every occasion I attended involved people drinking.  How could I be expected to live in the world I had chosen to live in, without drinking?  I believed it wasn’t possible.  When I dug a little deeper, I also believed that if I conquered the drinking, then bad things would happen. These were subconscious at first, but lurking in the background was the fear I would lose my marriage, my friends, and my ability to have fun.  I was afraid of what I would do instead.  I was afraid of the potential I had bottled up inside me.  I was afraid of taking full ownership of my life.

Often in my drinking days I would tell myself, “ This drinking is holding you back”, “It’s keeping you from tapping into your potential”, and underneath this, was a belief that if I quit, I would have no choice other than I find out what I was made of. I was terrified.  What if I removed the one thing I’d told myself was holding me back, and I found out that I didn’t have all this ‘untapped potential?’

 On reflection, it wasn’t quitting alcohol that I was afraid of, I was afraid of myself. If I couldn’t blame alcohol, there was only one thing left to blame.  If I removed the culprit, I had to take responsibility for my life and my choices, I had to step up. And I was terrified.

 The great philosophers have always understood the power of thought. As the saying goes, "What you think, you become." Our beliefs shape our reality, and when we fuse with unhelpful thoughts—when we see them as absolute truths rather than passing mental events—we reinforce patterns that can be incredibly difficult to break. So difficult in fact that remained this state for years.  One day never came, and when it finally did, I allowed all my old beliefs to pull me back in, time after time.  I didn’t give the new lifestyle choice a chance.  I was impatient, I had overly high expectations of myself, and so after a few months I’d resign myself to the belief that I needed alcohol as the antagonist in my story, I needed it to shield me from my useless self.

Eventually, I decided it was time to put these old beliefs to the test, once and for all. I knew the only way I could validate, or invalidate them was to fully commit. I needed to know if I had what it took to claim my life back, I needed to find proof either way.  Did I really have all this potential I’d been telling myself I had? Or was it just a myth, one that alcohol had shielded me from. I was ready to face the truth about myself, and I could only do this by consistently challenging my darkest beliefs and fears.

The Mental Rabbit-Hole

Have you ever found yourself spiralling down a mental rabbit hole, questioning yourself, doubting what you’re capable of? There’s a feeling of being hooked—stuck in repetitive, unhelpful thoughts.  I call them "sticky beliefs." These are the deeply ingrained perceptions we form about ourselves, others, and the world, and they have a sneaky way of keeping us trapped in cycles of doubt, fear, and self-sabotage.

 The Hook: How We Get Stuck

In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), this process is called "cognitive fusion." It’s when we take a thought like, I’m not good enough or I’ll never succeed, and treat it as an undeniable fact. The more we buy into it, the more it dictates our emotions and actions.

These sticky beliefs become our internal script, leading us to engage in all-or-nothing thinking: This is just how I am. Nothing will ever change. When we feel trapped, we seek escape. For many of us, that has come in the form of alcohol, avoidance, or other self-destructive behaviours. The problem? The relief is temporary, it reinforces our old beliefs and the cycle continues. The neural pathways deepen. And, like me, we stay stuck.

 Breaking the Cycle: Recognizing the Pattern

 To unhook from sticky beliefs, we first need to recognize them. What thoughts do you find yourself returning to time and time again? Some common ones include:

• I’m not as good as other people.
• This isn’t going to work.
• There’s something wrong with me.
• I’ll always be this way.
• I don’t have it in me
• Everyone else is so strong

 When we internalize these thoughts, they create a physiological response—tight chest, racing heart, sinking stomach—and before we know it, we’re reacting to the discomfort with old, familiar coping mechanisms. The belief feels even more real. And the cycle continues.

 Choosing a Different Path

 The good news? We are not our thoughts. If we were our thoughts, we wouldn’t be able to notice them. They are separate, just like clouds, and we are the sky.  We can see them, but we are not them.

 Looking at it in this way allows us to create space between ourselves and our thoughts and beliefs, we can then choose differently.

 Here’s how:

1. Notice the Hook. Pay attention to when a sticky belief arises. Name it: Ah, here’s that “I’m not good enough” thought again.
2. Defuse the Thought. Instead of buying into it, try this: I’m having the thought that I’m not good enough. This small shift reminds you that thoughts are not truths—they’re just thoughts. 
3. Check the Facts. Ask yourself: Is this thought actually true? Do I have real evidence, or is it just a familiar mental loop?
4. Shift Your Focus. Instead of dwelling on what if it all goes wrong?, ask: What if it works out? What if change is possible?
5. Choose a Skillful Action. Each time you recognize a sticky belief, you have a choice: follow the old path or take a new one. Over time, these small decisions reshape your brain’s wiring, making healthier thought patterns the new default.

 Note – simply choosing a more positive belief is not enough.  To convince yourself and your tricky brain that the new belief has some merit, you need to take action. 

 As an example, I told myself many times ‘I can quit whenever I want’, this is a false belief and is used by so many people as a safety net.  Some people live in this belief for a lifetime, without ever testing its validity.

If you are worried you can’t do something,  then it won’t work to just tell yourself you can, without acting. Action is the only way to change beliefs long term because our minds need new evidence to accept the new belief. Awareness and action are key.

A Lifelong Practice

 This isn’t about eliminating all negative thoughts—they’ll still pop up, regardless of how much work we do, especially in the early stages of change. But when we stop identifying and fusing with them, we reclaim our power. We step out of autopilot. We choose growth over stagnation.

 So today, I invite you to take a few moments and write down some of your own sticky beliefs. Just seeing them on paper can create the space needed to challenge them. Ask yourself:

Is this thought serving me? If so how? 

Is it holding me back?

Is it keeping me safe?

What am I afraid would happen if I let it go?

Can I face this fear?

Remember, awareness is the first step to change.

You are not your thoughts. You are the observer. With awareness, you can decide which thoughts will lead you to peace and happiness long term. Then you must take action to prove them true.

 Here’s a real-life example of how my beliefs have changed through consistent, focused action.

I’m not here to tell you it’s easy, but I can tell you it’s possible if you want it enough.

With love

Sarah