The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.

 The Good, The Bad & The Ugly 

Back in January 2020, I was away on holiday with my family and some great friends. We were staying at an Airbnb on a small island close to the mainland of Australia.  There were only a few shops and pubs, not much to do other than relax. Historically, my holiday would have revolved around drinking – that was the entertainment. And whilst all the other adults popped corks and drank cold beers from noon, I made my best efforts to find ways of being involved, without a drink in my hand.

 I was 3 months alcohol-free at this time and, despite having my alcohol-free alternatives, I was not content. I felt I was missing out.  This feeling escalated as the days went by, until one day I couldn’t take it anymore.  Everyone was drinking, relaxed and ‘care-free’, and I was gritting my teeth, teetering on the edge.

I walked out the front door, found a seat in the garden, sat down and cried.

I knew that I didn’t want the life of a drinker, and I knew if I started again, it would simply get worse. I also felt that somehow there was a bigger, better life ahead for me.  But in that moment, I was deeply sad.

Thinking back, that moment changed my experience moving forward.  This visceral, fully conscious moment was the point at which I decided to let go of my attachment to a drinking life, and all it entailed. The good, the bad, and the very ugly.

And I allowed myself to acknowledge what I was giving up and feel the loss.

The Good

Like anything in life, we must accept the consequences of our actions. As adults, our job is to be fully conscious of and responsible for all of it. 

But whilst we all know alcohol is bad for us, it can’t be denied that it serves a purpose.  It’s there for the good times and the bad. It can facilitate laughter and connection, and it does a great job at relieving pain and anxiety, short-term.  There’s no denying that it has its short-term benefits. 

So if we choose to drink, we must content ourselves with these.

If we can live with these consequences, without harming others, then maybe we can accept our decision to be a drinker, and everything that goes with it. The important piece is that if we want to be at peace, we need to be honest about and accept it all. The good and the not so good.

The Bad

Any amount of alcohol you consume is negatively impacting your health and longevity.

The Ugly

If we drink and choose to bury our head in the sand, leaning on the multiple excuses we’ve stacked up over the years, we are doing what is on the top 10 list of the dying, “Not living a life true to who we are.” We will use denial, repression, or suppression of the consequences, or, worse still, spend hours beating ourselves up for it. We don’t live with integrity or agency.  We’re in a battle with ourselves, and this is no way to live.

Conscious Responsibility

On that bench, I made a decision.  I was scared to feel left out, to walk my own path, and to do the work, but I couldn’t stay stuck anymore, and my stuck-ness was down to me. I had to take responsibility and choose. And I choose to walk away from alcohol.

I allowed myself to grieve its loss. To grieve the life that, at the time, seemed easier, more comfortable, less confronting. I did it because taking full responsibility for my life felt better.

Living as a non-drinker is hard, but for me, living as a drinker is much harder.

And when it comes down to it, we must choose which hard we are willing to live with. And which choice we’ll look back on and be happy we made, when our time eventually comes.

With Respect,

Sarah Connelly