Fitting In is Overrated: Finding Peace in an Alcohol-Fueled World

By Sarah Connelly

On a day in January 2020, four months alcohol-free, I found myself on holiday with a group of drinking friends. I did well for two days, but on day three I was fed up. I so badly wanted to fit in—to be part of it all.

But through my tears of frustration, I heard a voice telling me: Now is the time to decide.

It was a difficult moment. A lonely one. I looked behind me to see where I’d end up if I went back to drinking. I had certainty there. It was safe. It was tempting. But I had no idea what could lie ahead if I chose not to drink.

Everything was pushing me to fit in with the norm—except that tiny voice telling me uncertainty was better this time.

And so I made a decision:
I am prepared and willing to find out if this is true.

It was a pivotal moment—one that changed my life.

This Is About One of the Greatest Challenges in Quitting Alcohol

Fit in—or face one of our greatest fears… exclusion.

There was a time when fitting in felt essential to survival. As kids, teens, even young adults, blending in kept us safe. We followed the people around us, accepted what we saw, and rarely questioned it.

Because fitting in meant belonging.
And belonging meant safety.

But as we get older—and especially as we begin questioning our relationship with alcohol—fitting in can start to feel like a trap.

The World Still Glorifies Drinking

It’s the centrepiece of almost every event: birthdays, weddings, networking nights, even grief.

To choose a different path can feel like:

• Missing out

• Being judged

• Being misunderstood

• Worst of all… being excluded

But here’s what I know for sure:

Fitting in isn’t the goal. Being at peace with yourself is.

The Cost of Fitting In

Every time I drank when I didn’t want to, just to "join in," a tiny part of me eroded.

I wasn’t choosing myself.
I was choosing approval.

And I paid for it the next day with regret, shame, and self-abandonment.

Eventually, I realised something crucial:

You cannot drink yourself into belonging.

True connection and true peace don’t come from matching those around you.
They come from matching the truth inside of you.

And if your truth is that you want more inner peace—it’s okay if you don’t fit in.
In fact, it’s powerful.

Choosing Peace Over Permission

When you first stop drinking, the discomfort isn’t always about alcohol.
It’s the friction between two parts of you:

• The part that’s spent years trying to fit in

• The part that’s learning to stand alone

It’s normal to feel exposed at first. Vulnerable. Even lonely.

But here’s the beauty:

The space you create by not fitting in is the space where you finally meet yourself.

You build trust in yourself every time you say:

• I choose clarity over conformity.

• I choose peace over pretending.

• I choose a life I don’t need to escape from.

This is how you create true belonging—not by seeking permission, but by giving it to yourself.

Practical Ways to Be at Peace When Everyone is Drinking

Living alcohol-free in a drinking world is a skill.
And like any skill, it gets easier with practice.

Here are some tools that helped me—and might help you too:

🔸 Anchor to your senses, not your thoughts

When cravings or FOMO hit, come back to your body:
→ Breathe deeply.
→ Touch something grounding.
→ Smell something comforting.

You can’t overthink your way into peace, but you can feel your way into it.

🔸 Flip the internal narrative

Instead of saying, “I can’t drink,” try:
→ “I don’t need to.”
This subtle shift moves you from deprivation to empowerment.

🔸 Stay connected to your “why”

Whether it’s better sleep, deeper relationships, peace of mind, or just liking yourself more—reconnect to the real reasons you chose this path.

🔸 Celebrate tiny victories

Every social event you navigate…
Every craving you ride out…
Every morning you wake up proud—

It matters. And it rewires your brain for joy without alcohol.

🔸 Find your people

You don’t need a thousand supporters.
But you do need a few who get it—who see you and cheer you on.

That’s real belonging.

Final Thought: Fitting Out Is the New Freedom

When you stop trying to fit into an alcohol-centric world…
You create a new one.

One where connection is real.
One where peace isn’t poured from a bottle.
One where you belong—to yourself, first and foremost.

And maybe—just maybe—that’s the life you’ve been looking for all along.

So the question is: Are you willing to find out?

With love,

Sarah