A friend stopped me at the coffee shop this morning and asked a question I get often: “What is it that changes and makes someone ready to quit drinking?”
I have given it a lot of thought.
What Made Me Ready
What prepared me was the continuous disappointment I felt in myself, every morning, noon, and night. The evening inner-scolding session was usually numbed out by a bottle of wine, but the next day it was brutal. And still I drank, every night, with a million reasons at the ready whenever my inner objections got too loud.
It may sound strange, but in the end, I got lucky. Not with losing my Dad, but with the impact it had on my denial. Somehow, in that one day, all my inner noise dissolved. And what was left was a quiet voice saying enough is enough.
That was my rock bottom moment. An overwhelmingly emotional event and decades of procrastination, all colliding at once.
Even then, I was not ready to quit for good. I just needed a break. I craved clarity, agency, and control. So I went to an inpatient facility for two weeks. It was drastic, but I knew I had to do something, and that was what was available at the time.
Those two weeks were miserable, liberating, terrifying, and clarifying all at once. I saw what I did not want: to drink myself so far down that I could not climb back out. And I saw the evidence I needed that I did not have to drink to function.
If I could not drink for two weeks, I could keep going.
How I Built From There
I set a three-month goal and tried all kinds of alcohol-free options. I attended functions and dinners, sat in airport lounges, which were my hardest challenge, and got through Christmas 2019 alcohol-free.
My next goal was six months. Still experimenting, still not saying forever. Then nine months, then twelve. Now it has been over six years since I have had a drink. These days I do not even count. I have simply decided my life is better without alcohol, in every single way.
Losing my Dad, and my Mum a few years before, left me devastated. But it also left me clear. I had enjoyed around 30 years of drinking. It was time to try something different.
Are You Still Making Excuses?
If you are reading this and not sure you are ready, you might be telling yourself things like these.
I have a wedding coming up. My life is too stressful right now. I need it to wind down. It is my only vice. It is my reward, my relief, my relaxation. I am scared.
If any of those sound familiar, my question is this: what will it take for you to have had enough?
A death? A DUI? A divorce? An accident?
Will you wait for a rock bottom you cannot come back from?
I know how terrifying it is to take action. But I also know it can be dangerous if you do not.
Some of us are simply not meant to be drinkers.
Taking the Next Step
I quit alcohol in June 2019 and have been working with people, both one-to-one and in groups, since 2020. I have seen what is possible when someone is willing to do the work.
If enough is enough for you right now, you can find out more about working with Sarah and the support available at Sarah Connelly.
And if you are not quite there yet, but the excuses are getting louder, reading about what it really means to be a grey area drinker might help bring some clarity.
With love and compassion,
Sarah
