Do you experience high levels of anxiety and overwhelm? Do busy social occasions leave you feeling stressed and drained? Maybe you drink before you even leave the house, or use alcohol to cope with difficult emotions in private where no one can see you.
Have you ever wondered why others seem to manage daily life so easily while you deal with a constant internal struggle? Then you might be a Highly Sensitive Person, and this post might be one of the most clarifying things you read.
During my time as an HSP and alcohol-free lifestyle coach, I began to notice a set of traits and behaviours that kept appearing in my clients, ones I also recognised in myself. High anxiety in social situations, constant feelings of overwhelm, easy burnout, sensitivity to loud environments, chronic overthinking, and a heightened awareness of other people’s emotions. Many were told throughout their lives to toughen up or to be too sensitive.
A large number of these people also described themselves as all or nothing. Something I had said about myself for years.
What Is a Highly Sensitive Person?
Psychologist Dr Elaine Aron first researched the concept of Highly Sensitive People in the early 1990s. She found that HSPs make up around 20 percent of the population, and that the trait exists across more than 100 species.
Dr Aron identified four core characteristics that define the HSP experience.
Depth of processing means HSPs think about things more deeply and search for meaning in relationships, work, and life in general. Superficial conversation and small talk can feel genuinely uncomfortable. Overstimulation means HSPs are easily overwhelmed by the pace and noise of modern life and typically need regular time alone to recover. Emotional responsiveness means HSPs have heightened reactions to their own emotions and those of the people around them. At the far end of this scale is the HSP empath, someone who feels the emotions of others as if they were their own. Sensitivity to subtlety means HSPs are constantly picking up on details in their environment, from facial expressions to the atmosphere in a room, often before they are consciously aware of it.
Brain research supports these findings. Studies show that the amygdala, the part of the brain that manages the stress response, is larger and more active in HSPs. This means a higher stress reaction to perceived threats. Research also shows greater activity in the insula, the part of the brain where inner states, emotions, and outer events are all brought together into conscious awareness.
In simple terms, HSPs are more deeply aware of both their inner world and the world around them. In a society designed for the other 80 percent of the population, this can feel like a significant disadvantage.
Why HSPs Turn to Alcohol
In my own life, being an HSP combined with a difficult early childhood meant I lived in a near-constant state of anxiety. For years I believed everyone felt the way I did, so I judged myself harshly for struggling with things others seemed to handle easily.
I did everything I could to reduce that anxiety, including turning to cigarettes and then, more heavily, to alcohol.
As an HSP, the all-or-nothing pattern kicked in hard. When I used a substance my highly sensitive system craved more of it, because HSPs experience a significantly greater sense of reward from substances than non-HSPs. I could literally feel the effect as alcohol hit my bloodstream and I wanted more. When my system was on high alert, alcohol provided the relief I craved, even though it was always short-lived.
I believe HSPs have a greater tendency to turn to substances because alcohol so quickly and intensely soothes a system that is working overtime just to get through a normal day. It numbs the overwhelm. It lowers the social anxiety. It makes it possible, temporarily, to feel like you fit into a world that was not designed with you in mind.
This was certainly the case for me. And it is the case for a significant number of the people I work with.
The difficulty for HSPs is that moderation rarely works. We feel things so intensely that we either feel everything or we numb everything. There is very little middle ground. And herein lies both the challenge and, once understood, the gift.
The Orchid Theory
Professor Tom Boyce, a researcher in paediatrics and psychiatry at the University of California, proposed an important theory about people with what he called risk genes, those that increase sensitivity to mental health challenges including anxiety, depression, ADHD, and addiction.
He observed that carrying these genes does not automatically lead to these difficulties. What matters enormously is the environment.
He described it through the lens of orchids and dandelions. Dandelion children are resilient and do reasonably well in almost any environment. Orchid children are far more sensitive to their surroundings. In difficult or unsupportive conditions they struggle significantly. But in the right environment, with genuine care and nurturing, they do not just survive. They flourish in ways that dandelion children simply cannot.
The research shows that people with these sensitive genes, when given a supportive environment, demonstrate greater capacity for creativity, empathy, compassion, and depth of experience than their less sensitive peers.
This changed how I saw myself completely. The sensitivity that made alcohol feel so necessary was the same sensitivity that, once properly supported, became one of my greatest strengths.
HSPs Are Needed
Throughout history, HSPs have served as thought leaders, advisors, artists, and moral guides. Albert Einstein, Martin Luther King, Abraham Lincoln, Princess Diana, and Eleanor Roosevelt have all been associated with high sensitivity traits.
Our society tends to celebrate the traits of the majority. Sensitivity gets labelled as weakness. Deep thinking gets called overthinking. HSPs spend years trying to be something they are not, and many turn to substances to bridge the gap.
But the orchid, given the right conditions, blooms beyond what anyone expected.
Since removing alcohol I have discovered a genuine joy in who I am. I have learned to embrace my ability to feel things deeply rather than running from it. And I now use these same qualities to do work I genuinely love and to help others do the same.
If you see yourself in any of this, the sensitivity you have been trying to numb is not your problem. It is your potential.
If you want to explore your relationship with alcohol further, understanding what a grey area drinker is is a helpful next step. And if you are ready to get support, find out more about working with Sarah Connelly.
