It's Not a Problem, It's a Portal.

It’s Not a Problem. It’s a Portal.”

By Sarah Connelly

When you’re running a program to support people to experience 30 days alcohol-free it is advised, by marketing folk, to highlight and promote the “easy wins”. Better sleep, weight-loss, increased energy, and clarity.  And it’s true – those are all real benefits, and you will see these on my website. But if we simply see removing alcohol as a short-cut to a better, shiner life, with continuous ‘positive’ benefits then we may find ourselves on the merry-go-round of the grey area drinker – we stop for a while, we feel better, but we always find ourselves going back.

It begins when the buzz and the excitement wear off.
When the surface benefits settle.
When you feel uncomfortable because the filter has gone.

But this is where the real fun begins, powerful, transformational growth. It may not seem like fun at first, but quitting drinking isn’t just about feeling better, it’s about getting better at feeling.

What I Thought I’d Lose

 When I was drinking, I often experienced a feeling of emptiness, a void, especially early in the morning. I would wake and find myself wondering if this was ‘it’.

I was 46 at the time and I had achieved what I had set out to achieve. I’d ticked all the boxes, the career, the house, the husband, the kids, and on the outside everything looked well.  But inside I was in a bind. I didn’t want to stop drinking, because I was afraid of letting go of my social, and emotional crutch. I also didn’t believe I was ‘bad enough’ to quit, but the growing dissatisfaction inside me said otherwise.  

Drinking was my escape hatch—the one “vice” I allowed myself. It allowed me to be spontaneous, to rebel, to feel wild. I didn’t want to be ‘boring’, but at the same time,  I was bored of feeling like shit.

But I didn’t know what I’d be walking into if I let it go.

What if not-drinking made everything worse? What if the emptiness expanded?

What I Found Instead

When I finally pressed pause on drinking—truly committed, not just dipping in and out— my expectations changed. There were immediate shifts like better sleep, energy and clarity. But clarity brought with it a double-edged gift: it showed me what was working… and what wasn’t.

 Suddenly, I wasn’t numbing anymore and I couldn’t ignore the parts of my life that didn’t fit. I was sitting with the raw, unfiltered truth.

This is the turning point and the real benefit of taking time off drinking. It’s the point where we start to take considered action and make self-led choices.  We actively take control of our lives, instead of passively allowing societal norms, other’s opinions, and quiet discomfort to take the wheel.

But either way, drinking, or not-drinking, there’s a void.

That haunting whisper: Is this all there is?

If we keep drinking, then yes, this is it, and likely it will get worse. But if we pause for a while we begin to recognise that this particular void isn’t a problem. It’s an invitation.

 This Void Isn’t Empty—It Echoes with Old Beliefs

Most people I work with have tried to quit before. They’ve read the books. Listened to the podcasts. They’re smart. Insightful. Self-aware. But they still find themselves stuck in the same loop.

Why? Because they haven’t dropped down to the root.

They didn’t wait long enough to discover that this void isn’t a blank space filled with despair and uncertainty—it’s filled with vital information on what needs to change.

 Once we start to explore this we realise that this void is filled with old programs and beliefs that have been driving our behaviour for decades;

“I’m not good enough.”
“I have to handle everything myself.”

"I must keep other people happy"
“If I stop pushing, I’ll fall apart.”

These aren’t fleeting thoughts. They’re subconscious scripts. And when alcohol goes away, the volume often gets louder.

But here’s the truth that changed my life:

You are not your beliefs. You didn’t choose them. You can change them.

And with the benefit of clarity, you become the observer, the destroyer, and the creator.

You take charge and you build from the ground up, creating a way of being that is unavailable to you when you choose to ignore your power by continuing to drink.

It Begins With Courage

 Courage isn’t glamourous. It’s not a TED Talk or a 10k run. Courage is looking, seeing, and saying,

Maybe that belief isn’t true and I am willing to find out.

It’s asking for help when your default is “handle it alone.”
It’s showing up alcohol-free to a party you used to drink your way through.
It’s learning to rest without needing to escape.

 Every time you act from a new belief, you teach your nervous system something revolutionary: I didn’t fall apart. And that rewires everything, including outdated and untrue beliefs.

The Power of Repetition

Repetition and emotion got us stuck. Repetition and emotion can set us free.

Every time you pause instead of pour…
Reach out instead of retreat…
Reflect instead of numb…

You’re creating a new neural pathway. A new self-concept. A new way of being.

Final Thought: The Portal Is Waiting 

The void isn’t the end. It’s the beginning.

It’s the fertile, uncomfortable space where creativity, clarity, and courage are born. It’s where you ask:

If I’m not the person who numbs, who doubts, who performs…
Then who do I choose to become instead?

And that question guides you.

Not with pressure—but with possibility.

 Either way a choice is made.  The choice to do nothing, to wait and wait until you're ready, or the choice to take charge, experience how it feels to live consciously every day, and be the creator of your own life.

We are all guaranteed at least one moment of full consciousness in our life. Here’s what people have said, when they got their moment;

Top 10 Regrets of the Dying documented by Bonnie Ware – A palliative care nurse.

1. I wish I had lived a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
3. I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish I had let myself be happier.
6. I wish I had taken better care of my body.
7. I wish I had traveled more and seen more of the world.
8. I wish I had spent more time with the people I love.
9. I wish I had been more present in the moment.
10. I wish I had forgiven more—and sooner.

Without the filter of alcohol your life will change. But it will change either way and it’s up to you to decide which direction you go in. Toward or away from consciously living your life.

Facing and dealing with the void I believe is the number one benefit of taking time away from alcohol. I am yet to find a snappy tagline for this, but trust me, it’s extraordinary.

Love

Sarah