I still crave things. Chocolate, new clothes, attention. But the process of quitting alcohol taught me a great deal about cravings in general, and here are my thoughts.
There is a reason cravings can feel so intense. They pull at us with urgency, whispering promises of satisfaction just beyond this moment. The feelings are often subtle but strong enough to convince us that something out there, a glass of wine, a new outfit, a certain someone, holds the key to our peace.
Somewhere underneath we may know this is not true. Because we have given in, time and time again, with the same result. A quick fix followed by a flat aftermath or the quiet shame of having done it again.
This cycle builds on itself. As disappointment and shame grow, so does the discomfort. We press buy now, pick up another glass, or say yes when we mean no, drawn back in by the promise of relief. Only to be left wanting again.
Most of us can tolerate this cycle for years, even decades, because we have been conditioned to reach for something outside of ourselves whenever discomfort shows up. Boredom, anxiety, fear, frustration, any of these can trigger the automatic reach for relief. Entire industries profit from this impulse. Alcohol is just one of them.
What a Craving Actually Is
In the simplest terms, a craving begins as a feeling of discomfort in the body or mind. A subtle signal that something feels wrong and action needs to be taken. As soon as the mind gets involved, it reverts to familiar patterns of seeking relief from what has worked before.
When people say they drink to have fun or to relax, the real question worth asking is whether they can have fun and relax without it. When did it become necessary? Most of us learned very quickly that alcohol provides powerful relief from discomfort, so we repeated the behaviour until it became the automatic answer. And once we have had a taste of the temporary relief it offers, the absence of it starts to feel like something is missing.
Prior to drinking, most of us were perfectly capable of having fun, laughing, and relaxing. We may simply have forgotten.
The problem is not the craving itself. It is our reaction to it.
Why Alcohol Cravings Feel So Compelling
For grey area drinkers, alcohol cravings are not born out of physical need. They are primarily driven by associations and habits built up over time.
The patterns look like this. You always drink after work, so the end of the workday triggers the urge. You drink to feel more confident socially, so social situations trigger it. Your brain remembers the dopamine response and wants to repeat it. Certain music, places, people, or times of day become linked to drinking through years of repetition.
If you have ever thought, I will be fine once I have a glass of wine, you know exactly what this feels like. Many people live with the continuous belief that they will be okay once something external happens. And when the blank is filled, they are okay, briefly, until the next thing comes up. While looking outside for relief, the internal experience goes unexamined.
Imagine being genuinely okay inside, without needing something external to prop you up. That is what becomes possible when you learn to work with cravings rather than simply giving in to them.
What Happens When You Remove Alcohol
Something a client shared recently in a coaching call stays with me. Once alcohol was removed, they noticed other cravings creeping in. Online shopping, overworking, chasing goals. The brain had simply swapped one craving for another.
That is exactly what happens. Once the obvious relief is gone, more subtle distractions appear, cravings wearing different clothes. The cycle is the same though. Want, chase, relief, regret, repeat.
This is why simply stopping drinking is not always enough on its own. The deeper pattern needs attention too.
Cravings as a Teacher
The shift that genuinely helps is moving from trying to kill a craving to getting curious about it. Sitting with it instead of immediately acting on it. Listening to what it is actually pointing to.
Tara Brach, a psychologist and meditation teacher, has written about how the places where we feel most hooked can become our greatest teachers if we are willing to pay attention to them rather than escape from them. That idea changed how I related to my own cravings.
What if every intense craving is actually an invitation to pause and discover something? What if the pull toward something outside is your inner world asking for attention?
A Simple Practice
When a craving appears, physical or emotional, try pausing before you act on it. Take a few slow breaths and ask yourself honestly what you are really wanting right now. Ask whether sitting with this feeling for just two minutes before acting on it is possible. Ask whether getting the thing will actually bring peace or just temporary relief.
You do not need to destroy the craving. You just need to unhook from it long enough to observe it. Let it rise like a wave, watch it peak, and watch it pass. It always does, if you do not get caught in the thinking and the resistance.
Over time, the more you practise this, the less power cravings have. Because you start to see that what you are really looking for is not out there. It is already here.
For more on the brain chemistry behind why cravings feel so powerful, why alcohol cravings happen and the brain chemistry behind drinking goes deeper on the science. And if you want a practical resource to work through, the Crush Cravings guide is available to download free.
With love, Sarah
